"The bird and the bee" in English

Prologue: In Denmark, people say that the bumblebee might not be able to fly at all due to the fact that its body is too heavy. Fortunately, the bumblebee does not know anything about that, believes in itself and  - flies!

 

The  main character of my story, a painter, is lovesick. He is looking for answers to his questions in an abbey. For many years ago, the abbey was built by a very tall monk who wanted to show his humility to God by builing these small houses because he had to bend down himself to get inside. But the painter cannot calm down in the abbey and he decides to go away, to relieve his pain, across the seven seas, through an area between Pakistan and Afghanistan, called the “Waghan-valley”. A romantic novel about faith, love and passion.

During his trip, in this quiet area, he has a lot of time to think about his situation and the meaning of life. How he is using it. He sets up his camp and tries to express his feelings by love letters, but none of them can describe what he really feels. He is missing her and he sees her face and shape everywhere, up above in the mountains and down between all the stones which are all over the area.

The mountains and stones begin to change colour and shape, he dreams himself into a complete different world. But he has to continue his long way, crossing rivers and borderlines, walking through desert-like landscapes, only with the stones as his single companions. In the middle of the mountains, a small hut appears and he really wants to hear her voice.

From time to time, he rests and begins to build a substitute of her by stones, somebody, he can talk to and confide in. Or is it a self portrait? He is sitting and talking for a long time and doesn’t feel so alone anymore. He talks about his life, his independence and freedom, which he cannot realize when he is attached to another person. Then, he feels tied down, fettered and heavy and not as easy and light and glad as when he isn’t committed to somebody. But he also wants to be loved. The substitute can listen very well.

It is a long time ago that he has seen his family who lives in another place. His mother and father and brother. He continues walking and reaches a hill. Here he finds stones which he never has seen before and he begins to build figures of stones. First his mother, then his brother and at least his father, who doesn’t like the profession of his son and wants him to organize his life.

Suddenly, the painter remembers the lyrics of a song, he heard some time ago...” true love will find you in the end, you’ll find out just who was your friend , dont’ be sad, I know you will, but don’t give up until true love finds you in the end. This is a promise with a catch, only if you are looking it finds you ‘cause true love is searching, too..but how can it recognize you unless you step out into the light? But don’t give up until true love finds you in the end.” He feels comfortable by these words.

The stones become more and more alive, suddenly he sees a busstop right between the mountains. It looks like those he can remember from his home town. She always tooks the bus when she visited him because they lived far from each other. Did she follow him anyway? No. He didn’t wanted her, he wrote that very clearly to her, in spite of the fact that he sometimes meant something else. But now the pain inside him will not dissapear. The painter remembers the day when they had a very serious conversation. They discussed their different ways of living and what they believed in. He doesn’t believe in anything special, but she did. Confidence. Sincerity. Love. He fetches a deep sigh by thinking of that evening and night, which ended up so strangely. Sometimes, he likes daydreaming about living together with her, loving her, painting and being happy. But he also is the free bohemian, egoistically and self-satisfied, in fact, he really likes his life as it is right now. But from time to time, he realizes the red and the white devil who pushes to him. A heart is a very valuable gift. Don’t throw it away! How many times in your lifetime can you expect to receive a heart?

The sun set. That sounds very romantic and he has painted several of them. At that time, they were sitting on the beach for a while, watching the sun disappearing in the sea.

He begins to build two figures of stones and thinks that they are like him and her. Expressing solidarity as well as individuality.

He also begins to miss the sea and the light of the horizon and longs for going on with his life. For the first time since he left home, he longs for to paint again, new pictures, big pictures, round shapes, soft colours, while the canvas is wet and the painting running down. Maybe she has received his letter now? He sent it for a long time ago, he cannot remember when, he has lost all sense of time. Does he really want an answer from her? Will she believe him now in spite of the fact that he earlier had said something else and changed his mind many times? His chest fills with warmth when he is thinking of her and he feels happy to see her again soon.

On a long fence, he can see a mailbox. Strange to built a fence right here. It looks like a lot of human beings, light and dark, big and small. In the mailbox, he finds the letter from her. Her answer. His future. The bright sunlight makes it nearly impossible for him to read the words, the letters dance. ..."I want to show my gratitude to you..the best thing you ever did for me was leave..best thing you did was walk out of my life..you were never worth my love..why did I not see it...I want to thank you..for letting me live my life..you were never worth my time, all you did was waste it..I knew that it had to end, but my heart could not face it?..you finally gave me what I need..thank you for that.."

He keeps on going, without knowing where, while he reads the letter, many times. The pain in his chest spreads all over his body. It feels unbearable. He cannot reach her. Why is life such like that? Isn’t love enough, even if the needs doesn't completely fit to each other? Why does one person always love more than the other one?

 "..Einer von zweien..liebt immer etwas mehr..einer von zweien..schaut immer hinterher..einer von zweien..fühlt sich schwer wie Blei..der Andere kann gar nichts dafür..für ihn öffnet sich jede Tür..der Andere hängt an niemand..so wie ich an dir..einer von zweien grübelt zu viel..einer von zweien hat kein gerades Ziel..einer von zweien trägt eine Last mit sich rum..und der Andere..."

The painter reaches a bridge, but he cannot see where it leads. He reads the letter for the last time and decides to let it fly away, beyond the sea, to the horizon. It feels good to do something which cannot be cancelled. He realizes a new confidence inside himself and wants to be at home right now, to paint, paint, paint. That had always made him happy, his painting, even or because of the fact that it is difficult and contains a lot of defeats and frustrations. When he painted, he was all alone i his own world, everything comes down to him and the picture and the dialogue between them. Not because it was without any friction, not at all. He and the picture discussed and argued day and night and were mad on each other, but at the end, he knew very well that the picture always was right. In spite of that, he wants to try his strength against the picture anyway - without success - but it was worth it. He smiles by thinking of the fact that they behaved almost like lovers and at the same time, he is surprised that he is able to smile now, while he is so sad about her letter.

 

Epilogue: He feels strong right now and free in his new life, free as a bird. But hasn’t he always been that? Doesn’t freedom exist in every single person and we have to find it, every one of us in our own way? Doesn't freedom mean the possibility of making own decisions? The possibility of changing things by doing something? Freedom, happiness, love and faith, all that we do have inside ourselves, somewhere.

 

The bumblebee always knew that.